Real Housewives of New Jersey: Somebody Alert Andy… Phony New Jersey Housewife and it Ain’t KimG!

Well, isn’t this something!

Isn’t it considered a felony crime to describe oneself as an ‘upcoming Real Housewives of New Jersey star’ without kissing Andy Cohen’s ring and receiving his blessing first?

                                                              Uh, it explicitly says right here in your contract, that you signed, Taylor, that you must kiss my ring before your show airs.  I only let you slide this long ’cause your mouth is so huge I thought I’d just have an elbow left…

This blurb was on a local Louisville KY site:  “Playboy centerfold and upcoming “Real Housewives of New Jersey” star Annika Bruggeworth will attend Saturday night’s shindig with her husband, Dr. Scott Bruggeworth.”

Here’s what… this ‘upcoming’ self-proclaimed ‘star’ of RHONJ is an attention diva and her husband is a dentist.

So, the following scenario probably takes place during the next season of Real Housewives of New Jersey on a “very special episode” of RHONJ

“Albie made all by himself a yummy surprise for his mommy... her favorite chocolate walnut cheesecake, which took him two days to make ’cause he was studying hard for a place in next year’s law class at Phoenix University of Online Law.   Albie knows that as a lawyer, he must understand and follow the letter of the law and he applied that understanding to the cheesecake recipe.  The recipe said to grind walnuts for the bottom crust and since the recipe assumed that everyone knows to not use the shell, that was not fully explained in the recipe and, of course, Albie ground the walnuts for the cheesecake crust, shell and all.

                                                Albie, you idiot… look what you did to Tree and lil Milania… make sure you wrap the rest of that rock-riddled cheesecake for Juicy…

“All the Manzos and Joo-dices are seated in their giant king and queen diningroom chairs, fully sated from the meal they just devoured when Albie enters with his masterpiece chocolate walnut cheesecake… it’s especially special ’cause even Chris can see that Albie didn’t swipe it from the Brownstone.  All the ooohs and aaaahs are over and before Jackie can get a forkful, Tree and little Milania have already attacked the cheesecake and began screaming.

“Forks drop and everyone covers their ears from the eerie sounds coming from little Milania amplified by Tree’s shreaking.  Little bits of white tooth chips are landing on their dessert plates and blood is dripping from their lips.  Caroline has seen this before (when Lauren beat the hell out of Christopher and Albie ’cause they told her she would never be flight attendant…) and knew a dentist was needed.  Big Albie and Caroline whisk them off to the nearest dentist, (Juicy wasn’t there… he had to attend an ‘important meeting’ at the apartment over the pizza shop) which is the above-named ‘upcoming star’ of RHONJ‘s husband.   As they rush into the dentist’s office, they are met by the ‘upcoming star’… her screen time lasts for five seconds.”

                                                Danielle warned about havin’ a non-Manzo on the show… losing teeth won’t make ME quit…

And that is why this particular fame-seeking wife of a dentist thinks she is the next ‘upcoming star’ of RHONJ… try as she may, poor thing will never be another Kim G.

                                                Yo, dental assistant… keep your drill and suction equipment out of Franklin Lakes… this is MY town, honey.  Got it???