The Real Housewives of Beverly Hills Reunion show, Part I, takes place at the historic Millenium Biltmore Hotel in downtown LA… Adrienne, Kim and Camille are seated together, as are Kyle, Taylor and Lisa. Andy Cohen sits in the king chair placed between the two settees. Black dresses and silver accessories are the chosen color theme, however; it looks like Kim was left out of that email (as usual) as her dress was dark purple…
Andy greets everyone and starts the questions immediately with a question from a viewer: ‘Ladies, I love you, but the plastic surgery doesn’t make you look young, it makes you look deformed. Why are you so afraid of showing signs of age and experience?” Obviously, this question was meant for Shana/Taylor, and Lisa is very suprised that Andy looks at her for the answer. Lisa says that she’s had filler and botox and is very open about that, but no, she has not had surgery. (Really!? Shana/Taylor, the platypus, is sitting right next to Lisa… maybe Andy’s wonky eye was really looking at Shana/Taylor…)
Andy points out, that just for the record, Adrienne’s husband, Paul is not Adrienne’s plastic surgeon… Adrienne says that what if something happened with the surgery or what if she and Paul were in an argument the night before…she doesn’t want an eye attached to her forehead…
… Paul is his own best patient
Andy keeps the intro questions rolling with, “You know how much a Gucci purse is, but do you know how much a gallon of milk is?” Kyle comes up with the only answer out of this bunch: $3.49 (it’s $3.29)… (A question that would get them going would have been: Which is better, Manolos or Loubutins… now there would have been some real smack talkin’ …)
Next is a question for Taylor… “You spent $60,000 for your child’s fourth birthday party. What are you going to do when she turns five?” Taylor says that she’s going to Kyle’s to play on the swingset (…Taylor seems a little jealous of Kyle’s party). Lisa emphasizes that she was one of the people who thought the cost of Taylor’s party was ridiculous and she would never spend that on a child’s party or for any party. (Taylor doesn’t take too kindly to Lisa’s remark, but then Taylor seems intimidated by Lisa…)
Lisa’s house is 17,000 square feet and she mentions that she and Ken are looking for something more cozy, but the house was a great house when her kids were there and for visiting relatives.
Andy brings up the size of the New York apartment and Camille blames Kelsey (Camille blaming the divorce…#1) for creating the space issue… Camille says that Kelsey likes his space and told Camille that he wants to spread out and he’s used to having more room than that teeny, tiny, crappy little 3,500 square foot apartment.
Finally, Andy’s done with the light conversation and says that Camille was a real lightning rod the entire season… she was voted the ‘most hated’ housewife EVER… people have been talking about her like crazy and have very aggressive opinions about Camille. Andy reads a list of words used by others to describe Camille: passive-agressive, hypocritical, self-absorbed, fake, delusional, insecure, conniving, catty, cruel, manipulative… (he left out repulsive, Hitler-like, ugly, despicible, rotten, vile, vicious, greedy…) Camille responds by saying that these words are harsh and hurtful and people have only seen a glimpse of the ‘real’ Camille.
Taylor feels that she has to come to Camille’s defense and says that “whomever wrote those specific words, if they said it to her in front of any of us they would have a serious problem on their hands. (Shana/Taylor’s first veiled threat…) We’re all here for each other and these people can sit behind their computers and write negative words about people who seem to live perfect lives, but they don’t know her”… and, Taylor also thinks it’s just cowardly. (Hey… Shana/Taylor… come meet me behind my computer and say that…)
Andy asks Camille what it is about her that people are reacting to? Camille says it started with Kyle, then the awful divorce from a beloved TV character (Frasier), who is larger than life that makes people think badly of her. (Camille blaming the divorce…#2) Andy brings up the surrogacy issue by asking if she used surrogates to keep her figure. Immediately, Camille blames Kyle for saying that she used a surrogate to have a baby. Kyle looks shocked and says that she never said that. Camille says that she thought someone told her that Kyle said that on the show. “My bad,” says Camille and continues with how lucky they were to have modern medical technology to help them with the pregnancy… blah, blah, blah.
Andy asks Camille how she can say she’s so busy when you have so many people working for you? Oh, that’s a funny one, says Camille… well, she has to do the show, and of course, the divorce takes up her time (Camille blaming the divorce…#3) and oh yeah, that production company of her husbands… (…and don’t forget those 40 cows out back that she has to milk every day at 5 am, and after that she has to get ready for work at FedEx… )
Taylor looks ‘adoringly’ at Camille as she speaks about her misuse of ‘pernicious’ and ‘machiavellian’ and says aside to Kyle, “I’m gonna have to get a dictionary.” OK, enough about using big words and on to Faye Resnick. How can Camille call Faye morally corrupt when Camille posed for Playboy? Camille says that Kyle and Faye were looking at photos of Camille in the back of the limo on the way to the party and that’s why she went off on Faye. Camille explains that she did a movie for Cinemax in her early 20s that was not hardcore porn, but softcore porn and she got upset when she found out that they were looking at the photos of the movie in the limo. Kyle says, “You have the balls of a burglar to be throwing rocks like that when you live in a glass house.” (Not sure exactly what Kyle meant by that…what are ‘balls of a burglar?’)
Adrienne, Kim and Camille
On to a video montage of Camille and Kelsey’s marriage… (What is happening?!?!? Camera Camille actually looks like she’s showing genuine emotion…)
While the montage is playing, camera Adrienne is shown crying (…she’s sobbing so hard that her chandelier earrings are causing an earthquake) and afterward explains that she and Paul have been friends with Camille and Kelsey and said they were such a good couple and she felt a lot of sadness for Camille. Lisa says this show is real life and Camille was caught at a difficult time. Camille thinks that maybe the pressure of knowing her marriage was fizzling out (Camile blaming divorce… #4) was why she was distant from the rest of the girls. Camille says that she and Kelsey don’t speak, but that she’s lost friends/gained others and goes on to say how important women are in her life and how they’ve rallied around her during this time.
Camille answers Andy’s question about a prenup (she doesn’t have one) and Andy asks… if you get $50 million, what will you do the rest of your life? Camille says it’s sizable but it’s obnoxious to talk about it. Kelsey won’t have a prenup with his bride-to-be and Lisa says it won’t matter because he won’t have any money left anyway… (good thing Camille got to him first…)
Andy asks Camille about her supposed sex tape; Camille says there is no sex tape… Taylor butts in and says there’s something about married people over 40 and a sex tape… Taylor says that she would have to pay people to buy her sex tape. (You are correct, Taylor… you would have to pay people lots and lots of money!)
Camille is asked about a second season and although everyone knows that she’s signed on for season two, she says that we’ll have to wait and see… Andy brings up Taylor and Kim’s relationship and the montage of their season-long spat begins…
Andy wants to sort out what was said at the dinner in NY and why Taylor said “I’m about to take you out back and pull some Oklahoma on your ass…,” which starts Taylor giggling… (Taylor is the only person in the room who finds this amusing.) When Andy asks Taylor for the definition of “I’m about to take you out back and pull some Oklahoma on your ass…”, Taylor says that she has no idea what ‘pulling Oklahoma on your ass’ means. (On Shana/Taylor’s to do list: buy dictionary…) Kim calls Taylor out for being the spokesperson for domestic violence, yet threatening Kim at the dinner… Taylor looks condescendingly at Kim and says, “yeah, that’s exactly what I did’ and ‘it was a joke.’ Kim says ‘All I could think of was here’s this girl who’s involved in domestic violence and all of a sudden “Miss I Don’t Like Violence” is going to take me out back in New York and she’s gonna take me out back and throw me around out back where the dumpsters are. Taylor, still looking with disdain at Kim says, “Yeah, that’s exactly what I did.” Kim asks Taylor, “OMG! Where did that come from?” Taylor: “It was kind of a joke, Kim, and I don’t appreciate you bringing my charity into it… wink.” Kim reminds Taylor again of what she said and Taylor responds, “Don’t bring up my charity, (adds a finger wave) don’t bring up my charity.” (second veiled threat by Shana/Taylor… and Kim never mentioned Shana/Taylor’s charity…nice diversion try, Shana/Taylor) Kim says that Taylor, being the role-model for her domestic violence charity, was ‘quick to go there’.
Lisa and Shana/Taylor
Andy asks Taylor why she was so quick to threaten Kim. Taylor looks at Andy and says, “I mean, sincerely, do you really think I was threatening her? I don’t even know what ‘Oklahoma’ means (Shana/Taylor should now think of a dictionary as a great investment… ) and… she needs to learn some manners (what!?) so we needed to go outside… and I’ve never laid a hand on anyone in my entire life and my charity means everything to me, so if that was taken in a way that makes it seem as though I’m a violent person then I, you know, I misspoke, but certainly never been in a fight in my life, so…”
Kim says, “I just thought it was odd that for somebody that’s so sensitive to that subject… you know, about physical…” as Kim is still talking, Taylor says in an aside to Kyle: “Should we speak about her state of mind at that table? ‘Cause she’s about to take me there…” Andy catches Taylor mumbling and asks what Taylor was saying. Taylor looks right at Kim, not at Andy, and asks, “Do we want to talk about your frame of mind or shall we skip that?” Kim says that “we should talk about everyone’s frame of mind while we were sitting there.” Taylor slips back into her condescending disdainful monotone and says to Kim, “Just… just tread softly.” (Shana/Taylor’s third veiled threat…) Taylor: “Moving on…” Andy asks Taylor what she means and Taylor says, “We’ll reserve that for later on in the conversation.”
Let’s go ‘all Oklahoma’ on your sister, Kyle…
Andy says to Kim, “You look like you were ready to pull some Westlake Village on her ass…” Kim says, “No, I was just… I just didn’t want to be involved in any of the drama and I’m sitting again in the middle of the hot seat and then she and I…” Taylor butts in and says, “you wanted to be in the middle of the drama with me, but you didn’t want to be in the drama of protecting your sister… that’s the drama you wanted to be involved in… drama with ME not drama to protect Kyle… so just keep it straight…” (…or what, Shana/Taylor???… her fourth veiled threat) Kim just nods her head.
Kyle, Shana/Taylor and Lisa
Andy asks Kim: “At Taylor’s birthday party you said that Kyle was ‘faked out’ by who Taylor really is… who do you think she really is?” Kim says that Taylor is “a chameleon and that she doesn’t really have a commitment to anybody… if she’s with Lisa, she’s with Lisa, if she’s with Camille, she’s with Camille.” Taylor says she tries to be friends and neutral with everyone and she’s a ‘people pleaser’ and that’s what it’s like when you’re in a group of friends and she tries to be friends with everyone and she doesn’t know if that’s a bad thing…”I’m confused.” Andy says that Shana/Taylor’s just saying what everyone else wants to hear… Taylor says, “Like ‘take you outside and go Oklahoma on your ass’ is that what people want to hear?” Andy looks at Kim and Taylor continues… “sometimes I’m protective of people, including you (Kim).” (Could Shana/Taylor be a serial killer on the run who has had plastic surgery to keep her identity a deep secret? That would explain her name changes and why it’s so easy for her to get ‘all Oklahoma’ on everybody… )
It’s Lisa’s turn and Andy runs a montage of Lisa’s sex talk during the season… Lisa claims not to have sex but talks a lot about it, (Bravo couldn’t find anything better than this yawnfest to pull together about Lisa??) and she says that all together it looks bad, but she calls it like it is with a sense of humor and it’s just for fun.
Andy asks, “Only two times a year for Ken and Lisa and rumor has it that Camille cut off Kelsey for a whole year, what is it with you rich people, don’t you like sex?” Lisa says she has good sex with her husband and Camille says that Kelsey cut her off 10 years ago. (after watching Camille this season of RHOBH, would anyone blame him??)
Andy asks a viewer question: “Lisa you feared for your life at the DMV because of the eclectic people… is that a code word in Beverly Hills for people who aren’t white and rich?” Lisa’s a little pissed and says that her ‘life is eclectic and she has many friends and people she works with come from all backgrounds…and that’s all baloney.’
Andy asks Kyle if her friendship with Lisa changed because of the show and Kyle says ‘no’ … Andy says to Lisa ‘you seemed a little annoyed by Kyle and Taylor’s growing friendship’ the evening at Villa Blanca; was there a little jealousy when Kyle and Taylor were holding hands? Lisa says that she was a little irritated because she and Kyle were to have dinner, but Taylor wanted to come by to talk about her marriage problems (Taylor looks at Lisa like she wants to take her out back and put a chokehold on her…) and Lisa says ‘who does that, holding hands with each other?’ Andy asks why she would be jealous of Kyle and Taylor’s friendship and Lisa says she’s not jealous… and corrected Andy and said she was ‘irritated,’ not jealous.
Andy asks Taylor: Would you ever consider having your lip implant removed? Taylor says, ‘No… it’s been in there too long’ and she’s not going to have surgery… Kyle suggests maybe a mouth reduction… (Taylor’s sitting right next to Kyle… she could have gone all Oklahoma on her for that remark…)
It’s Adrienne’s turn… a montage of Adrienne and Paul… Andy says that people have something in common with Paul and Adrienne, which is bickering. (really… can’t Andy come up with anything better than bickering?) Camera Paul says that they’ve learned not to push each other’s buttons…and Adrienne says that their marriage is the norm and not the exception.. Andy: Is the bickering covering disdain for Paul? (What kind of a question is that!?) Adrienne: it’s just the way we communicate….
Andy to Adrienne: What did you think of Camille saying that she’s 30% busier than the rest of you? Adrienne says that ‘Camille says things that she doesn’t necessarily mean’ and Camille blames her statement on the divorce adding 30% more busy-ness to her already overworked schedule. (Camille blaming divorce… #5)
Andy asks Adrienne about her net worth and Lisa says if she were Adrienne she would be sitting in bed with a box of chocolates with Giggy. (…how many more millions does Lisa actually need to stay in bed with Giggy??) Andy observes that Adrienne shys away from confrontation and she likes to solve problems instead of getting into the mix…
Kyle, Taylor and Lisa
Andy gets to the meat of this part of the reunion (finally!): “It started out as a harmless comment between Kyle and Camille off camera, but this much we do know, their private conversation off camera fueled an entire season of accusations and arguments….” on to a montage of the squabble…
We find out that the casting started with Kyle, who then asked Lisa, Adrienne and Kim. Kyle says that she called Camille up and asked her if she wanted to be on RHOBH and Camille said that she would talk it over with Kelsey.
Kyle: “Why would I have a problem with you and why would I ask you to join the cast then? I thought you would be a great additon because of the way you look, because of your beautiful homes… why wouldn’t I want that shown?”
Camille gettin’ into it with Kyle
Camille: “Because you needed a target.”
Andy asks Camille: “Why do you always see yourself as the victim?”
Camille: “When I get nervous I laugh… when we were at the table in New York, I was terrified and I thought I was under attack by Kyle.”
Kyle and Camille
Kyle: “Upstairs I apologized… even though I didn’t say those things, I wanted to make peace… and then when the cameras were down you came and attacked me.”
Lisa tried to explain: “When we were upstairs, now this is where it goes wrong…Taylor said something to Camille and she was wrong to do that… and Camille got very upset and the cameras were down. She came downstairs and confronted us…”
Kim says to Taylor: “Talk about catty… I mean why go and do that? Why go upstairs and stir up the pot?”
Taylor: “There was no pot stirring going on.”
Kim: “… obviously they just made peace and for you and then for you to go and say ‘this was said in the airport’ when clearly…”
Lisa: “… it was unnecessary…”
Taylor: “If I could rewind I would never even have had any conversation about it.”
Andy to Taylor: “Why did you stir it up and not own it?”
Taylor: “But, I didn’t stir it up. My conversation with Camille was about ‘Kim talked to me in the airport’, because Kim and I never talk… Kim and I don’t have a relationship.”
Andy: “That sounds like stirring the pot a little bit.”
Taylor: “Well, it was not intentional… when I said the word ‘insecure,’ I did not know that the very last thing that Kyle said to her was ‘don’t be so insecure.”
Camille: “…and that struck a chord in me instantly.”
Taylor: “that struck a chord in her…”
Andy: “People say that the people who are insecure are the people who react the strongest against the word ‘insecure’.
Camille: “Absolutely… and I’m not saying that I’m not insecure, absolutely. I’m sure I was feeling insecure at the time. My husband was leaving me and he was having an affair behind my back. I didn’t know he had a lover at the time.” (Camille blaming divorce… #6)
Kyle: “I tried to apologize to you in New York, Camille, and I thought we were done upstairs….”
Lisa: “They put it to bed and then ‘bang!”
Andy reads a viewer question about Kyle and Camille: “I believe Camille because in New York, why didn’t her own sister come to her defense?”
Kim explains: These are all Kyle’s friends and I don’t know her relationship with each of them. I’ve always had my sister’s back and I always will have my sister’s back.” Kim says that she doesn’t like being put on the spot and doesn’t like conflict.
Kim and Kyle
Andy to Camille: “Do you think that Kyle is jealous of you?”
Camille: “No, I don’t.”
Kyle to Camille: “Well now you say that after you realize that everyone has laughed at you after you’ve said that the whole season.”
Honestly, with all the hype from Bravo about this reunion show, I expected more… more confrontation, more explanation and more words flyin’ everywhere… I expect more on Tuesday from Part II.