IF YOU HAVE TO WORK, THE PLACE TO WORK IS HILTON & HYLAND.

LET’S SEE IF WE CAN SPOT ANYONE WE KNOW AND HOW THEY’RE CONNECTED TO THE REAL HOUSEWIVES OF BEVERLY HILLS…

(KYLE’S BROTHER-IN-LAW!)

Rick Hilton is the Chairman and co-founder of Hilton & Hyland Real Estate, the leading exclusive boutique real estate firm in Beverly Hills. As Chairman, Rick can hire any family members he wants and nobody can say nothing. Rick and his wife Kathy were married in 1979 and they are the proud (most of the time) parents of four children who keep getting arrested for bullshit charges.

Mauricio Umansky(310) 858-5464 (IT’S KYLE RICHARD’S HUSBAND!) www.mauricioumansky.com

Mauricio was born in Mexico City and moved to Bel-Air in 1976. He is married to his beautiful wife Kyle, who got him his job because her sister, Kathy is married to Rick, and has four gorgeous daughters that are not permitted to wear hotglued jumbo flower/mesh headbands. Mauricio is considering a full-time position as a reality TV star offered to him by Sir Andrew Cohen (knighted by JillZarin after her visit to Great Britian’s territory, Australia, and Andy fell for it after JZ promised him a sash). God, Andy is so easy…

Eduardo Umansky310.278.3311 (KYLE’S FATHER-IN-LAW AND MAURICIO’S DAD) www.laluxuryestates.com

My insatiable curiosity and passion for research (the bulk of my research is in correct shaving techniques) provides me with the necessary tools to stay on top of current market conditions in order to represent my clients. I’m committed to provide my clients with the highest degree of excellence and Heroic Customer Service. I will throw myself into burning buildings to save your iPad; I will find runaway brides; I will grab onto the handle of a car that lost its brakes and suffer third degree dragging burns… really, any kind of heroics you want, I’ll do… just name it… anything for a sale, that’s my motto. And I can get Kyle to call you on your birthday.

Christy Hilton

(SHE’S RELATED, BUT SPECIFICS ARE SKETCHY)

A combination of Christie Brinkley and Paris Hilton, Christy Hilton was a total unknown before walking into Rick’s office and giving him a totally made up name. She also told him that she is definitely related to him by Uncle Terry. Well, there could be an Uncle Terry because Rick has met Uncle Jerry and before Christy could think of another story, Rick said, “You’re hired!” because Rick Hilton is Donald J. Trump in reverseworld.

Susan Andrews(310) 278-3311 Ext. 485 (THIS IS REALLY TAYLOR ARMSTRONG) www.luxurylahomes.com

Susan Andrews/Taylor Armstrong has been a recognized and respected top producing real estate agent since early in her career, right after the Real Housewives of Beverly Hills premiered. Dedicated to her profession because motherhood is so last year, Susan/Taylor quickly established an impeccable reputation for representing her clients’ best interests by throwing Alice in Wonderland open houses. Trista Rullan(310) 858-5476 (ALEX McCORD’S SECRET TWIN) www.trista.tv Raised in Acapulco, her father kept her twin sister, Alex, in New York to experiment first-hand the nature versus nurture theories. Alex and Trista have never met. Chad Rogers(310) 858-5417 (Million Dollar Listing) www.chadrogers.tv Chadsworth vonEichhorn Rogers was born and raised in ‘The Bu.’ Chad steadfastly upholds the motto, “Give clients what they want, whenever they want,” is what has catapulted Chad Rogers into one of the most successful and sought after real estate experts (as advertised in the Pennysaver) and Realtors in Southern California.Yo, Chad, I want some pierogies and chocolate milk. Right now. Oh…wow! Thanks, Chad. Chad, how about a satchel brimming with bundles of fresh cash? Well thank you, Chad. Chad is not related, but Rick makes him uphold his motto everyday. Rodrigo Iglesias310-699-3435 (JULIO’S COUSIN) www.LAFIVEMILLIONPLUS.com/ Noted by the Wall Street Journal as being number 37 in the year 2007 (yeah… that’s like three years ago or 42 years in real estate years) of the top real estate agents for size and number of transactions in the entire nation (the entire nation of Marouk, pop. 37,048). Coleman Laffoon310.278.3311 (WAS MARRIED TO ANNE HECHE) Coley Laffoon is an entertainment industry veteran who produced documentary films and managed talent (mainly helping Anne Heche through her ‘alien’ period) before joining Hilton & Hyland just to talk with normal people. Gersh213-359-0328 (USES ONE NAME… LOOKS LIKE A FUN GUY) Frank Jackwerth(310) 858-5460 (CAN ARRANGE A WHACKING) Frankie J, as he’s known, has represented many clients from the motion picture industry and sports world and represented the former home of Frank Sinatra in Palm Desert, CA known as “Villa Maggio.” Frankie J never met Sinatra, but he has personal knowledge of his house. When he swaggered into Rick Hilton’s office and said “Sinatra,” Rick Hilton did the reverse Trump and said, “You’re hired!” Plus, Rick likes saying his last name, Jackwerth.